Our Deep Secret

By Justin Gray

I

f we're honest, (honesty probably being the most elusive of all virtues) beneath the Band-Aid of our lives there is a blistering reality that plagues us. A tender wound we nurse grows deeper; and we know that no salve or bandage of our making is adequate for its healing. Oh how weary and cynical we have become because our energies fail us in treating this issue. Continually seeking refreshment and finding none.

Day after day we lift the cup of life to our lips, and are surprised by its bitter taste. Even moments of sweetness are fleeting and far too sporadic to bask in; much like the sun setting only minutes after it has risen.

This trouble in our souls is such a painful puncture.

Always trying to clothe our consternation, but the changing season dictates our attire and inevitably the wound is exposed once again. 'I'm doing fine' is but a conditioned response used to draw the attention of others away from our plight, and we also find the question 'how are you doing?' equally as superficial.

It seems as if no one really knows us. 

Does anyone care to know us?

When will this charade end?

Can’t they see that something is wrong?

These are the screaming questions we silence with a smile. And another day passes; and yet another. And time feels like a snowball becoming an avalanche sweeping over us, burying our pain even deeper.  A pain so deep and indescribable, we prefer that it go unnamed. If we dare name it, we may call this ‘our deep secret’, but its real name is ‘loneliness.’

God sets the lonely in families,
he leads out the prisoners with singing;

but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Psalm 68:6